The Last Fear

 Now being in thirtys fear about something which will be there in next thirty years.

Being an independent soul, who relies on doing thing myself, is suddenly scared. Scared about her old life.. how will it be? Will she be dependent? Will she be able to enjoy?

This is now an kind of aspiration to get her fit, to prepare herself for the next stage.

This stage will be so different from others. Your mom will not be there who was with you before all these stages.

Your child, he will be there but he has his own life aspiration, so counting on him is not a great idea.

The friends you make all these years are also in the same stage. And you must have lost 75% of them while reaching to this phase. And they can also cannot be near to you because of their own boundaries. 

Here comes your partner, the one with whom you have spent last 35 years. He could be or could not be there as per the God's plan.

So it would be the most exciting, unpredictable and complicated part of your journey.

Being so confused on it, I still have some aspirations around it.

Another Stage Another Me

Did a throwback on 10 years in my life, found I was so motivated and excited. Even realized, I was much more mature as I expected from me. And realized the quality of me with which, I was proud then also stays today. 

Now I have achieved something, I am not struggling. I have a new life, an additional set of responsibilities. A new life is about to come from me. 

And the world is in a strange state, a year which everyone wants to delete from thier lives. 

But today also, I am not happy. I have a huge salary, a nice family. Still, I do not feel me, Looks I am lost. I am just busy dying as per my blog. And fact is, I know this but unable to explain.

Politics is not my cup of tea

 Politics is too tough too handle. 

House politics is so complex.

 It involves so much stresss to deal with everyone. People are so manipulative in words. Few does not know, what their words are. They just speak.

Few wrap words in so much butter, that you do not even realize underneath slice was of toast or bread. 

And they believe everyone to learn these tactics. 

Me being so much liberal, and see everyone as equivalent human beings. It takes lot of emotions and give stress to solve this ambiguity.

I prefer to be out of these all. And least involved in these circumstances.

Now life has moved a lot, Now I am not a teen. Grown so old, even all my logics gone upside down. I contradict myself.
I used to say a time, I can't be sad but now I believe sad he to rehna hai, what's a difficult task, Sadness is now intregrated in life.
A person who was part and parcel of my life does not even exist anymore. Life dependencis and responsibility takes your beautiful relations away from life. And you can't even cry in front of all. And you cannot even tell that person how much you miss him..and how many times he comes in your dreams and awake you whole night.

But m happy, I had you for my last 10 years.
Will be der and you will be der always wid me.